Do you have a best friend? Is it just me or are we programmed to believe that we should just have one female best friend that we do everything with?
I am a member of a female support group on Facebook where a lady posted a message saying she felt lonely as she didn’t have a best friend she could spend time with, share her problems with or go out with.
I was really saddened by the comments she received from other members of the group which included the following:
“I live too far away from my best friend”
“It is much harder to make good friends as an adult”
“I used to have a best friend but I had two kids and she didn’t have any. She just wasn’t interested in spending her spare time doing kiddie stuff”
“I have a few close friends but not one bestie”
“I don’t find it easy to approach people to start a friendship”
“My friends have friends they have known longer and so they are best friends to them”
“I have nobody except my husband”
“I moved away due to work and miss my friends so much”
“I think I am an awkward person to like”
“I have a best friend but no circle of friends”
What struck me from these comments was how a lot of the women who commented actually found it difficult to make friends. Whether it is because they feel they have nothing to offer or they find social situations overwhelming, it made me sad. I wanted to share it with you in case you felt the same. I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way.
I think it also acts as a reminder to show your friends that you care about them. Life is busy, things get in the way, but an odd text, call, hand written letter, Birthday card, or even a visit makes all the difference.
I am fortunate to have a very close group of girlfriends. We are fairly spread out location wise so we don’t see each other as much as I would like, plus many of us have young families, so family time takes priority, but when we do meet up, it is just like old times. I have a wonderful group of school friends who I have known since I was eleven years old. I have my university girlfriends who have known me for over 15 years, and I have developed friendships with the local school and nursery mums. I have also become close to two ladies whom I met when we were all pregnant. We did aqua-natal classes together and ended up in hospital at the same time each having our boys a day apart. Nearly five years on, we are great friends as are our boys. Despite this there are times when I can still feel lonely and in need of a text or a call from a friend so I can empathise with these women. Does this resonate with you?
It isn’t important to know that friendships can develop out of nowhere so don’t give up:
- Try a new group or class that interests you so you meet like-minded women
- Reach out on social media
- Get back in touch with friends who you have lost contact with
- Host a coffee morning or a dinner party
- Suggest after work meet-ups with your work colleagues
- Sign up to volunteer
If you feel uncomfortable putting yourself in social situations, try one to one meet-ups first rather than throwing yourself into large group settings. Ease yourself in gently and remember you are worthy of friendship, you have qualities that people will like and you do have something to offer.