My Experience of Having Life Coaching – Session 4

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My Experience of Having Life Coaching - Session 4

Session 4 of my Life Coaching Experience ended up being more of a free-flow session. This was because one of the ladies had technical problems and so unfortunately couldn’t join our group session on Skype. It was nonetheless really enlightening.

We spoke about our thoughts and feelings from the week and Deborah Chalk, our coach, introduced us to the work of Byron Katie, specifically the Judge Your Neighbour Worksheet.

For our homework we are to think about a stressful situation and work through this worksheet answering the questions posed.

I highly recommend you check it out, I found it fascinating! More on this next week as we go through our answers with Deborah.

Admiration Exercise

We moved on to a different exercise. Deborah asked us to grab a pen and paper and write down the names of three people who we admire. We were then to write down the qualities that they displayed which we admired most about them. Why don’t you grab yourself a pen and paper and try this yourself now?

The people I chose are:

  1. The Queen
    • The qualities I see which I admire: committed to service, dedicated
  2. My Mum
    • The qualities I see which I admire: strong, capable, loving, a provider
  3. My Dad
    • The qualities I see which I admire: inspirational, resilient, hard-working

(Mum & Dad, if you are reading this, you have so many fab qualities, but we only had a few minutes and these are the ones that came to me in that moment. No message for the Queen as I doubt she reads my blog, although I would be delighted if she did!!)

Deborah then asked us to think about our best selves, and whether we could see these qualities in ourselves. When I really believe in myself I think I can see in me those qualities which I admire in my Mum and Dad. With regards to the Queen’s qualities, I wasn’t so sure. The ladies in our group disagreed.

I had previously shared an experience with my life coaching group which involved ensuring I secured a place for my son in our school of choice. I am sure this will resonate with other mums reading this. I was a dog with a bone about it. I was not going to give up until I had secured his place. The ladies suggested to me that it showed I was committed to my role as a mother and totally dedicated towards doing the best for my children. It is funny, I didn’t see this myself. It was only when the ladies pointed it out to me. Sometimes you do need people to point things out to you. When you are living it, you can’t always take a step back and look at things objectively. So thank you ladies for your help with that!

What qualities did you write down? Can you see these qualities in you if you imagine your best self?

Catastrophising

I mentioned to Deborah that sometimes I can feel guilty when things are going well in my life. Particularly when there is so much suffering in the world. When I am driving along on the school run for example, feeling happy singing along with my two boys, suddenly my brain starts going into overdrive. My thoughts run away with me and I start catastrophising, suddenly thinking the worst.

Deborah advised that this is really common and is down to the part of our brain she called the lizard, which is trying to keep me safe and vigilant.┬áThe lizard is a physical part of your brain, the pre-historic amygdala near the brain stem that is responsible for fear, rage, hunger and arousal. As the lizard isn’t going anywhere, our job is to work out how to quieten it.

Deborah told us that she has named her lizard and when it rears its ugly head, she says “Thank you for your help, but I don’t need you right now.” I am going to try this tactic and I am going to name my lizard too. Any suggestions?

Another way to overcome the catastrophising is to rationally use evidence available to you that dismisses the negative thoughts.

That concluded Session 4. Why don’t you try the Admiration Exercise yourself and see what qualities come to mind when thinking of three people you admire?

You can read about the previous life coaching sessions here:

Session 1 – The Living Space Tool

Session 2 – The Body Compass Tool & The Three B’s

Session 3 – Thought Work

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