We started Session 5 with the prospect that we are half way through our ten week life coaching course with Deborah Chalk. This excited me as we are really getting stuck in to the life coaching tools but saddened me slightly too, as I don’t want it to end! It is brilliant. Deborah is brilliant. The other ladies in the group are brilliant. It has really given me a new perspective on things and a strength I didn’t know I had. Instead of being scared or sad about some of the thoughts and feelings that I have discussed within the group, I feel empowered. I feel strong and capable.
As I mentioned in my last post which covered Session 4, Deborah introduced us to the Judge Your Neighbour Worksheet by Byron Katie.
For our homework, I was to think about a particular situation which annoys me, and I answered the questions accordingly. My initial reaction was ‘Oh goodness, I think I lack tolerance.’
But when I went through my answers with Deborah in Session 5, she gave me a new angle of thought.
Deborah asked us to imagine the magic life coach fairy paying us a visit and sprinkling magic dust that made us able to never think that negative thought again. She then asked us to imagine who we would be without that negative thought.
I came away having three realisations:
- If I an unable to live up to the expectations of others, that is not my fault. They are their expectations, not mine. I have no obligation to fulfil them.
- It is not my responsibility to make other people happy. That is their business.
- It is important that I meet my own needs to ensure I can care for others.
That same day a dear friend sent me an article she thought I would enjoy reading. It ties in nicely with how to deal with negative thoughts and states. This is an extract:
Tibetan Buddhist teacher, Tsoknyi Rinpoche, teaches that when we’re emotionally hijacked by worry, regret, fear, anxiety and anger, to remember that the emotional and physical state we experience is “real but not true.”
So basically don’t believe everything you think! This is particularly helpful for those nasty negative thoughts that pop into your head, and for the catastrophising I am guilty of engaging in.
Totally enlightening I thought. Try the worksheet yourself and see if you can come away with more positive thoughts that can help you. I bet you will.
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