So here we are at Session 7 and it is my turn to be coached. I was thinking about what I would like Deborah to coach me on. I struggled at first as I am extremely fortunate to live a happy healthy life, to have a loving husband, two healthy children and a roof over our heads. If I looked at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs my Physiological, Safety and Social Belonging needs are fulfilled. However when I thought about the Esteem and Actualisation levels within the Hierarchy, I realised there is room for improvement. Maslow believed that to understand the Actualisation level of need, we must not only achieve the previous needs, but master them. Only then can we be the best version of ourselves.
So to reach my full potential, I am going to have to master this Esteem level. I am generally quite a happy soul, I don’t suffer with depression and my moods are stable but if I am to be totally honest with myself I think I have a fear of rejection.
Rejection will be something most of us have experienced in our life, whether that be a failed job interview, or unrequited love. It can make you feel as if you are not good enough and that you don’t offer any value.
I recalled a time when I had this hideous job interview with a man who was totally unprepared for the interview. He was rude, disinterested and patronising. I didn’t get the job and I received feedback from my Recruitment Consultant that I found hurtful. I was dismayed how he could relay the same event in such a different way to how I had experienced it.
Deborah asked me whether I may be guilty of ‘Story Fondling’. Sounds rather rude I agree but actually it is a term to describe how you can use one story to justify how you feel. It made total sense to me. How had I let this one bad experience of rejection (by a man who I was clearly never going to see again) give me a fear of rejection? When it was broken down for me like this, I realised how stupid it was. The group suggested that perhaps he had just had an argument for his wife, or was in pain, or had been in an accident prior to our meeting. I was reminded that IT WAS NOT ABOUT ME. The story was not helping me so I needed to let it go.
The KIND Process by Abigail Steidley
Deborah introduced us to the KIND Process which involves becoming more aware of our body in order to tap into our inner wisdom.
K – Knowledge – know your body
I – Inhabit your emotions
N – Notice thoughts
D – Discover your Inner Wisdom
I won’t go into it too much as I am afraid it didn’t work for me but you can read all about it here if you think it would work for you. I think I need to become a bit more in tune with my body for this to work for me.
I informed Deborah that I was struggling with this. She was super supportive and said that was fine, and then suggested because I like writing that journaling might be a better tool for me.
A Journey Through Journaling
Deborah recommended I read a book entitled ‘Let It Out – A Journey Through Journaling’ by Katie Dalebout. Within this book is a tool called the Emo Tool which she thought I would find more useful.
The Emo Tool
Step 1 – Define the emotion e.g. I am feeling angry
Step 2 – My emotion feels like this……………………………………………..
Step 3 – My emotion acts out by…………………………………………………
Step 4 – My emotion came from…………………………………………………
Step 5 – How does it feel now you have broken down the emotion?
So I am going to spend some time on this trying to break down emotions I feel as they arise. Do you think the tool could work for you?
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